Mood:  lazy

So after being like incredibly productive this morning, I have totally run out of steam. I'm trying to motivate myself to get out of this chair and be like an actual human being, but for some reason, I just feel like vegging out in front of the TV. I may put on the LOTR movies and gawk at Legolas for a little while. Does that make me a worthless excuse for a human being?

I've accomplished a lot this weekend so I guess I shouldn't feel guilty, and I have a big week staring me down. Guess I can let myself off the hook. I think it's partly that I'm missing my hubby (hello out there, Charles!) and I know I'm not going to see him for almost two more weeks. I hate life sometimes.

Anyway, the ostensible subject of this blog is my on-going search for a way to love my body. Background: I'm diabetic and I have been pretty severely underweight for several months because my blood sugars went nuts, and now I am trying to put weight back on but experiencing this weird far that I'm going to get fat, because I've been treated like I've done something really special by managing to weigh 96 pounds (I'm 5'8" tall) and have so little energy I can hardly drag myself around. If this is what it means to be thin and sexy, thanks, but I'll be fat and happy - and my Charles will love me anyway, won't ya, Charles?

I discovered a much-needed pick-me-up in the New York Times this morning: "Chubby Gets a Second Look". Apparently, the medical community is finally coming out and saying that it is clinically proven to be unhealthier to be underweight than overweight. Now, if we can only hope that normal weight and "chubbiness" become more socially acceptable, so women like myself don't have to agonize over every calorie we put into our mouths!

The article also points out that "fat" and "thin" are more culturally-constructed than medically-determined in our culture. Here's my favorite quote from the article:

"Henry VIII, king of England in the 16th century, 'was huge,' which was a symbol of his wealth. To get that way, Dr. Armelagos said, 'it took 100 people collecting food for him and cooking it.' Compare that to the billionaire Oprah Winfrey. 'She has to have a dietitian and cook and a trainer so she doesn't get to be like that,' he said."

So it's all social, people. Beauty is culturally determined (thank you, Naomi Wolf, for telling us that decades ago in "The Beauty Myth"). Take it from me, someone who has been the skinny bitch (and is working to not be so I can be the healthy, vibrant, strong woman I am), the reason women are skinny bitches is because when you're hungry, you're cranky.  

*heads to the kitchen for a bag of chips*

Embrace our beauty, elf-sisters! We come in all shapes and sizes and I say let's eat, dammit, and be merry. That is so much sexier than obsessing over calorie-counting and jean sizes. A woman enjoying life? That's beautiful, no matter what her measurements are.

Mood:  happy

Ok, this is my first time ever doing this, so I'm a little nervous...

It's Saturday morning and I woke up with a touch of the cold/flu this morning - my eyes are all puffy but that could also be bc I ate a lot of salty foods yesterday. I'm trying to gain weight bc I'm diabetic and I've been having a lot of trouble with my blood sugars since August so I lost a ton of weight, like 30 lbs. I know that sounds great and I guess in some ways it has been, I certainly get a lot of envious looks from some people, but trust me, being so underweight basically sucks for anything other than attracting envious looks. I've been so tired all the time and so irritable bc I just don't have any energy. Plus I start having weird symptoms like dry, scaly skin and bloating in my stomach when I would eat. It really got me scared and so now I'm on better medication and a new diet/exercise regimen that I hope is going to let me get back to my old self.

So yesterday I picked up a turkey sub and fries from Penn Station (if you guys don't have a Penn Station, you totally need to move to the Midwest - they are beyond yummy!). The night before that I ate a fried chicken salad (more yummy). I think all the salt caused me to retain a little water and so I look puffy, but I'm so glad that I was able to eat without feeling sick all over. I'm going to be good today though and eat stuff that's actually on my diabetic diet bc I don't want a high blood sugar, that'll just ruin the whole point of trying to eat more since I'll end up losing weight if my sugars get too high. Diabetes is a really fun disease!

Now I'm just rambling. I'm gonna put on my walkin shoes here in a bit after I load up my iPod and go for a walk. It's gonna be a beautiful day here in southern Indiana, I think, and I'm going to enjoy it a little before I settle down to work. Oh yeah, and I'm also going to let myself have some time off today and tomorrow, bc I have a helluva busy couple of weeks between now and Thanksgiving break and then final exams to grade after that!